I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize