i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
