I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
