it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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