You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
