This girl is more easily done than said...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
