Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize