Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
