i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
