If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you didnt know i had herpes?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
