your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
