Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
