Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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