I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
