I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
