i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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