I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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