people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize