as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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