just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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