tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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