Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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