I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
is it fun? or sober?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
