can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
