I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
