My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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