just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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