you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize