6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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