I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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