"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
