He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
