I just threw up on my dentist
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
