kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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