some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
