i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize