My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Hippo gnu deer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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