His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize