Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
