Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
