imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
