be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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