I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize