i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
