I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
