Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
