he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
