the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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