dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
this just has baby written all over it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Randomize
