I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
be right there i have to get my cape
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
