If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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