mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
