Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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