porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
