I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
