my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
