walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
