Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
