That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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