Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
