He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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