They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
