I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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