so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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