this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
