Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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