I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
