you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
