You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
