i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
