sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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