1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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