we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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