He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
