God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
