im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
These tits shall not be calmed
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