I think I died a long time ago.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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