She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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