do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
