You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
