Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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