goodnight i made you a song goodbye
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize