if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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