I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
