I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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