Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
