Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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