just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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