I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
