Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
