It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize