Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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