ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize