I just made out with a guy for $7.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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