apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
