Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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