Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
