i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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