just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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