Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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