We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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