My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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